Well I have been dealing with well I guess "labels" lately. For example today my friend told me he didn't believe me when I said I have never done drugs. (He is also a very judgmental person to begin with). But we were talking and drugs came up and He said something like he never wanted to do them and I said I have never done them. He then look at me and said "Well I kinda don't believe that," I obviously asked why. His answer was, "I don't know you just seem like the type that would," and well I guess I can understand why he says that because I do know a lot about them and I have may friends that do, do them. But I have never and it doesn't help I am kinda a metal face.
Honestly though I didn't like that he labels me that. And I am not to sure if that even is a label but it is for less of a better word.
Well today when I was waiting for the bus with my friend Cole,
I asked "what time is it?" Because he always has his phone.
He answered with " I don't know get it out of my pocket,"
I kinda looked at him funny then looked at where is was. In his front pocket pushed towards in grown. I obviously answered. "No, you get it,"
He looked at me funny. "No my hands are cold, you get it,"
I looked at him disappointed. "No, it's in a awkward spot."
"No it's not just get it."
"Yes it is,"
He then kinda gave me a stupid look then managed to clue in. But his face was so funny. "Oh my god I get it know," Then he began to laugh at me. "I'm sorry I forgot about that,"
Yeah obviously that is a good answer. Also most of the time I wouldn't care but he just well had really deep pockets and I didn't want anything bad to happen. But I personally think that is was just a moment I had to share. Plus it was just so random because he is normally I don't know anyone near me and don't sit that close. Kind of person. So it was just weird of him. But anyways I know kinda stupid but whatever get over it.
Wellvas you may see by the title I am tried of being alone. I have come to hate it. I guess I don't have anyone to blam but myself but it sucks. I don't know the right people to like and the ones I do only want to be friends. I can't stand it. It doesn't help this is around the time last year I broke up with my last boyfriend but it is sad I can't get another. I have no idea even how to get a guy intrested. I am honestly hopeless in that sense. I really envy the people who don't even have to try and they can get a boy friend. I only wish I could do that. It would be amazing if I could but sadly I can't. So unfortunelly I am propobly going to be pittying myself for the next couple months and I will be real pethtic. Also I am typing on my iPod so sorry for the missaks
Well as you may see I love it right know. I normally hate it but it has been so cold lately I am just running to it with arms wide open. So I got these knit tights and they are wonderful. they are so warm and it allows me to wear my skirts and shorts now :) So I am a very happy camper.
Also User's new song Without you David Guetta Ft. Usher I can't get enough of it. I have talked it over with my friends and we think it is all because well it is Usher. As much as I may not like most pop songs almost anything he does I some how manage to fall in love with so. I guess that tells you a lot about me but do you really care no. So farewell for right know my darlings.
Well honestly life kinda sucks sometimes....It is awesome most of the times but this weekend I got some shitty news...To start my two best friends are both military kids so they were getting there posting's last week. I was so focussed on one because she thought he was moving I forgot about the other. So my friend who thought she was moving is staying and guess the F*** what my other best friend is moving to Africa!!
I couldn't stop crying. Because well I knew her parents wanted to get a embassy but they thought it would be until another couple years. But no this summer she is moving to africa... and I know people are saying you two will still facebook and skye but it isn't the same she is honestly the only person that I really love and I don't kine that in a gay way but I love her like my sister. She has been there for me to listen to all my shit and help me though so much. She has done more and beyond for me without knowing it. So I cried lie never before when I found out. And yes I am crying right know. I will miss her so much.
So at first I was thinking of all the ways to keep her here. Then I though I can't. It is just such a great opportunity I can't be the person telling her not to take it. Even if it is going to be hard. I can't be that person. So I think she should go for it. The other hard thing is that they want to bring me from what she has told me.
They are offering me a chance to go with them. Which I want to take but the thing is my parents have said no right away and I don't even now if it would work. So I am losing my best friend.
Which sucks because I wanted to go away for school in grade 12 and the I would have a grade 13. But the thing is she is coming back when I would be in grade 13 and probably out of the country. But if I do go away for the schooling we would be closer and maybe be able to see each other on holidays...So I don't know that would only happen if I got in and could pay which I don't know if I could...So this year I have to spend as much time with her as I can and that sucks considering we don't go to the same school... such is life... it sucks.
Crouching, I love it...I know I should because I am so young but there is just something about it. It relieves stresses...I started a scarf the other day after I say a Tutorial for it. By Queen Beauty .So I finished my scarf and well it is these two colors. And only after I realized it is Griffindor colors...haha I hope i spelt that right. So I turned it into a infinity scarf and it is super warm. Now I am going to try to make a jacket out of crouch patches . :) I am excited.
Well that time of year is starting. The stores are begging to carry there christmas things. So obviously I had to go to the body shop and get there christmas senses in Vanilla spice and Ginger something. But both just are well to dye for. I can't get enough, plus the lip bam I got are just spectacular. So well I smell like christmas already.
Which well this year I actually like. Because in the past I hate christmas, but this year well I am excited and I want to spend it with my family and see all the snow (which comes with the -30 C weather.) But all and all I can't wait.
Well I am yet to understand why I can't just be like everyone else I know. Why can't I just give in and take the drugs, escape from my pointless life and feel my mind just slip away from me and let myself fade into the unknown. Why can't I just go out with my friends and dance my worries away until I lose myself. Why am I here writing instead out with a boy raising a little hell? Sadly I have come to the conclusion that I am just an idiot. I let my beliefs and morels get in the way of life. Why is that? I wish I didn't care. I wish I was out there with my friends. But sadly wishes never come true if you want something you have to work for it. You have to put in the time of day and make things happen. So as much as I wish these things would happen I don't think they ever will. I am to kin on seceding with my life some how. Becoming someone important and not just someone on the side lines watching everybody else have fun with life. So there if you read that you probably get a good sense of who I am. But right know I feel well kinda emo haha... I am being depressing and weird...How sad. I should probably change that.
1. Don't go outside.
2. Don't talk to people.
3. Just don't live.
But honestly we all want to be noticed, we all want to for one minute say "F*** ya I am popular." I envy those people who can. Personally I live my life from the side lines. I have a close to average life at school at list and there almost no body notices me. I just am there another face in the sea of mindless teenagers trying to find themselves and yelling that the world doesn't understand my life. So I title this blog after one of the things I do best. Go thought life without being noticed.